'The Abode',as the dictionary says is a housing that someone is living in, your residence. I tend to question my childhood dream of an Abode-my small and happy world.
"Do i really want a residence where my travel would cease and i would get settled?"
"Does such an abode actually exist?"
"IF MY JOURNEY DEPRIVES ME OF 'MY ABODE',
I HAVE NO REGRETS!!"
There is a law of everything. But then, do you know? Have you cared to wonder, who writes it? There is gold and fire in every being here. But then, its all about - when - and - who - ignites it.
If only you could take off your glasses, You would find me flicker, dancing on your delicate eyelashes. If only you could let go of those masks, you would find me rise from inside you, from ashes. Let me flicker, let me rise, let me dance.
P.S. - We seem to have lost it, dropped it somewhere. Stuck in hectic city lives, we keep searching the premises of our own innocence, thinking that we left it back somewhere disowned, at some place..
... like a hundred lights dancing on his lashes had a hundred stories to tell, with a hundred pauses flickering between his light and his darkness I wondered where that 'real him' dwelled. And I could not tell which light was his true light That story I happened to collide with that eve remains an unfinished painting till this night.
There is something about cities. You can lose yourself in them, ... in their concrete buildings and traffic. And you can find yourself. Being brought up in a small and calm town like Roorkee, I've been associated to two cities till today, and both of them have a special place in my heart, just as my hometown does. As I write this today, I look back at myself exactly a year and a half back, and I smile. This is what I wrote then, and shared on my blog : JANUARY, 2015 (http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/01/blog-post.html ) "There is this something which is troubling me since past few days. I wish to resolve it. I bid adieu to New delhi, few days back. And here I am in one of the most beautiful cities of India, Chandigarh. Delhi made me a different person. I would rather say, it transformed me from a kid to a young woman, a thinking and questioning woman. I learned. I failed. I rose. I lost. I found. Yes, Delhi I remember everything you gave me, and I'm thankful to you. I'll come back one day I promise. I am on my way to something, and I do not know if I'd get it or not. People make choices, sometimes sacrifices. Sometimes life itself is taking away from you, some sacrifices, without even your knowledge. That is how they say, the balance is maintained, Isostasy, you see. People come and people go. Moments appear and moments depart. Cities, villages, towns, all so different and yet full of similar people become a part of our lives, and so do their stories. We're all heading somewhere. And we don't know whether we'll get there or not. But let this not stop us from living life as it comes, cherishing it, growing old with it, wiser and evolved. We are humans after all. We can think, question, complicate, and resolve. For its all in our heads. For even animals can feel. But we can channelise our feelings, derive energy from them. Living alone in a new city, teaches you a lot of things. Yes you're alone and that pinches you often. But, you know you have a purpose. And you have somewhere started to trust your efforts. Believe me, don't trust anyone else, but them." When I wrote these lines here in Chandigarh, I was on my way to something. Tonight, when I type these lines here again, I'm on my way to something too. But there is a difference. That difference is what this city shall always be remembered for. "There's something about cities. You can lose yourself there. And you can find yourself all over again. Do the latter, and you shall make the city yours." Yours forever. Cheers to you- the city beautiful.To you: कारवानों में तू ढूंढे वो लम्हा तेरा और लम्हे तेरे कारवाँ लिख रहें हैं लफ्ज़ और खामोशियों के बीच में... लफ्ज़ बंदिश भी हैं और हवा की तरह लफ्ज़ आज़ाद हैं इनको जी ले , कि यें , बस तेरे आज हैं कल रहें न रहें, कल मिलें न मिलें बीते लम्हों को मत तोल, वो कब रहे साथ हैं ? कारवानों में इन, तू है लम्हा वो इक, ढूंढता तू जिसे है, अब यहाँ, अब वहाँ ढूंढता जग जिसे है सदा से रहा, जाने पहचानों और बेगानों के बीच में... PS: In remembrance of the journey: http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/09/the-shouting-rhymes.html http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/09/roshni-3-let-me-change-like-this-city.html http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/09/unworldly.html http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/09/i-know-you-cant.html http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/05/hot-air.html http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/06/defying-gravity.html http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/11/the-brittle-dream.html
In the windmill... - mass meets mass - - acceleration feels acceleration - - force knows force - - energy becomes energy - We all transform. Don't we? So You? Do You know? Have You seen, heard, known, touched? My elements and my atoms? Yes, I am the wind. Fast, slow, warm, cold, clear, hazy Contained in myself and yet free. Free. Have you seen, heard, known, touched? My harmony? Its all about what we are made up of. Its all about what we shall become.
Bagh-e-Bahisht Se Mujhe
Hukam-e-Safar Diya Tha Kyun
Kaar-e-Jahan Daraz Hai,
Ab Mera Intezar Kar
- Mohammad Iqbal.
(Why did You order me to
quit the Garden of Eden?
Now I have work to
finish. Now you will have to wait for me.)
Yes, it has now
started to sink in. What is it I think, this whole thing about getting an all
India rank 40 in UPSC 2015? Well it is a feeling. A beautiful feeling. A
powerful feeling. And why is it beautiful and powerful? Because, it strengthens
that belief, a deeply held belief that whatever happens in our lives, is for a
reason. And the reason is to make us grow, evolve and expand, learning from our
failures and mistakes. The reason is always us.
It is
beautiful and powerful because it makes me feel today, that I stand right
between the end of a journey and the beginning of a new one. But the song
remains the same. And there is so
much of work to be finished in this new journey.
And lastly, it is
beautiful and powerful because of the very manner it came to me. So, I ask
myself, why after writing three mains previously and missing it so close every
time? Why not then, and why now? But now I have the answer. When Dr. Kalam passed away, I was stirred to
writing a post for him. It was not a post, it was everything I
wanted to tell him whenever I meet him. I share the link here. (http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/07/you-do-not-die.html)
Every time I found
out I missed the list by 11, 35 and 9 marks respectively, I would read his same
book, same pages, same words and put my pieces back, back to work. I quote his
words here, because they are the answer-
When he missed
his dream of being an air force pilot, scoring 9th position where as there were
only 8 slots available, this is what he had to say- “walked around for
a while till I reached the edge of a cliff” before deciding to go to Rishikesh
and “seek a new way forward.”... Or
when he was pushed to the edge by one of his mentors, “It is only when we are faced with failure do
we realize that these resources were always there within us. We only need to
find them and move on with our lives,”
Yes. This is it.
This is the answer. This is what makes me feel beautiful and powerful today. It
was there inside. God/ Nature/ Universe, whatever we may call that energy which
empowers us wanted me to explore, to burn, to learn and to grow. If
today in some parallel universe, I get the chance of an alternate timeline, I
would still choose this long one. Because these four years have made me who you
see today. These failures and learning to grow out of them have made me ready
for the challenges that my job will require me to face tomorrow. I wrote the
following words last year on my blog, and they fit so perfectly here
today-
"THE CIRCLE OF
DREAMS
Its not about whether you
will win or not. Its about what you win.
Remember, when you jump
up,
you will also hit the
ground.
And jump up again..
What would remain is-
The impact you made on
the ground.
and the embrace on your
cheek, of the air around."
My blog has always
been a story, my story. It has been my hiding place, my refuge, my abode. This
is where the real me resides. And this moment, this part of my story I dedicate
to Mum and Dad for giving me roots and wings and making me the free bird who loves
to fly. And you ‘babybrother’ for being my friend and bearing with meJ. I love
you all. And a big thank you hug. Here’s a song from boyzone I dedicate to you-
“You gave me
strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high
upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me, you needed me
And I can't
believe it's you, I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave? I'd be a fool
'Cause I finally found someone who really cares
You needed me. Yes you needed me."
All I feel like
saying is that there are two things battling with each other inside our mind-
fear and love.If you want
something, fall in love with it, and never ever give up on it. I
feel like quoting something which always keeps me moving-
"I don’t
think you understand who you’re dealing with! I have no limits! I cannot be
contained because I’m the container. You can’t contain the container, man! You
can’t contain the container! My soul is not contained within the limits of my
body. My body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.” -Jim
Carrey, Graduation speech at M.U.M. University. _________________________________________________________picture credits- Krittika Swamee. I am attaching my marksheet here: Written total 748, Personality test 206, Board- Mr. P.K Joshi, Optional HISTORY(245)
कारवानों में तू ढूंढे वो लम्हा तेरा और लम्हे तेरे कारवाँ लिख रहें हैं लफ्ज़ और खामोशियों के बीच में... लफ्ज़ बंदिश भी हैं और हवा की तरह लफ्ज़ आज़ाद हैं इनको जी ले , कि यें , बस तेरे आज हैं कल रहें न रहें, कल मिलें न मिलें बीते लम्हों को मत तोल, वो कब रहे साथ हैं ? कारवानों में इन, तू है लम्हा वो इक, ढूंढता तू जिसे है, अब यहाँ, अब वहाँ ढूंढता जग जिसे है सदा से रहा, जाने पहचानों और बेगानों के बीच में... photograph borrowed from freepic.com
