'The Abode',as the dictionary says is a housing that someone is living in, your residence. I tend to question my childhood dream of an Abode-my small and happy world.
"Do i really want a residence where my travel would cease and i would get settled?"
"Does such an abode actually exist?"
"IF MY JOURNEY DEPRIVES ME OF 'MY ABODE',
I HAVE NO REGRETS!!"
Bagh-e-Bahisht Se Mujhe
Hukam-e-Safar Diya Tha Kyun
Kaar-e-Jahan Daraz Hai,
Ab Mera Intezar Kar
- Mohammad Iqbal.
(Why did You order me to
quit the Garden of Eden?
Now I have work to
finish. Now you will have to wait for me.)
Yes, it has now
started to sink in. What is it I think, this whole thing about getting an all
India rank 40 in UPSC 2015? Well it is a feeling. A beautiful feeling. A
powerful feeling. And why is it beautiful and powerful? Because, it strengthens
that belief, a deeply held belief that whatever happens in our lives, is for a
reason. And the reason is to make us grow, evolve and expand, learning from our
failures and mistakes. The reason is always us.
It is
beautiful and powerful because it makes me feel today, that I stand right
between the end of a journey and the beginning of a new one. But the song
remains the same. And there is so
much of work to be finished in this new journey.
And lastly, it is
beautiful and powerful because of the very manner it came to me. So, I ask
myself, why after writing three mains previously and missing it so close every
time? Why not then, and why now? But now I have the answer. When Dr. Kalam passed away, I was stirred to
writing a post for him. It was not a post, it was everything I
wanted to tell him whenever I meet him. I share the link here. (http://gazalbharadwaj.blogspot.in/2015/07/you-do-not-die.html)
Every time I found
out I missed the list by 11, 35 and 9 marks respectively, I would read his same
book, same pages, same words and put my pieces back, back to work. I quote his
words here, because they are the answer-
When he missed
his dream of being an air force pilot, scoring 9th position where as there were
only 8 slots available, this is what he had to say- “walked around for
a while till I reached the edge of a cliff” before deciding to go to Rishikesh
and “seek a new way forward.”... Or
when he was pushed to the edge by one of his mentors, “It is only when we are faced with failure do
we realize that these resources were always there within us. We only need to
find them and move on with our lives,”
Yes. This is it.
This is the answer. This is what makes me feel beautiful and powerful today. It
was there inside. God/ Nature/ Universe, whatever we may call that energy which
empowers us wanted me to explore, to burn, to learn and to grow. If
today in some parallel universe, I get the chance of an alternate timeline, I
would still choose this long one. Because these four years have made me who you
see today. These failures and learning to grow out of them have made me ready
for the challenges that my job will require me to face tomorrow. I wrote the
following words last year on my blog, and they fit so perfectly here
today-
"THE CIRCLE OF
DREAMS
Its not about whether you
will win or not. Its about what you win.
Remember, when you jump
up,
you will also hit the
ground.
And jump up again..
What would remain is-
The impact you made on
the ground.
and the embrace on your
cheek, of the air around."
My blog has always
been a story, my story. It has been my hiding place, my refuge, my abode. This
is where the real me resides. And this moment, this part of my story I dedicate
to Mum and Dad for giving me roots and wings and making me the free bird who loves
to fly. And you ‘babybrother’ for being my friend and bearing with meJ. I love
you all. And a big thank you hug. Here’s a song from boyzone I dedicate to you-
“You gave me
strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high
upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me, you needed me
And I can't
believe it's you, I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave? I'd be a fool
'Cause I finally found someone who really cares
You needed me. Yes you needed me."
All I feel like
saying is that there are two things battling with each other inside our mind-
fear and love.If you want
something, fall in love with it, and never ever give up on it. I
feel like quoting something which always keeps me moving-
"I don’t
think you understand who you’re dealing with! I have no limits! I cannot be
contained because I’m the container. You can’t contain the container, man! You
can’t contain the container! My soul is not contained within the limits of my
body. My body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.” -Jim
Carrey, Graduation speech at M.U.M. University. _________________________________________________________picture credits- Krittika Swamee. I am attaching my marksheet here: Written total 748, Personality test 206, Board- Mr. P.K Joshi, Optional HISTORY(245)
कारवानों में तू ढूंढे वो लम्हा तेरा और लम्हे तेरे कारवाँ लिख रहें हैं लफ्ज़ और खामोशियों के बीच में... लफ्ज़ बंदिश भी हैं और हवा की तरह लफ्ज़ आज़ाद हैं इनको जी ले , कि यें , बस तेरे आज हैं कल रहें न रहें, कल मिलें न मिलें बीते लम्हों को मत तोल, वो कब रहे साथ हैं ? कारवानों में इन, तू है लम्हा वो इक, ढूंढता तू जिसे है, अब यहाँ, अब वहाँ ढूंढता जग जिसे है सदा से रहा, जाने पहचानों और बेगानों के बीच में... photograph borrowed from freepic.com
