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Yes its sinking in.. Rank 40, CSE 2015.The UPSC circle- the close and the beginning.

Bagh-e-Bahisht Se Mujhe Hukam-e-Safar Diya Tha Kyun Kaar-e-Jahan Daraz Hai, Ab Mera Intezar Kar                      - Mohammad...

Monday, January 25, 2010

I had never lost them. They were indited in me, from the very beginning. Even when one odd day I found I was over, 'they' were operating within, imbuing me with an invincible desire to go on..
My colours survived the dark..
They could not perish in the dust that had scattered the ashes of the unextinguished hearth of my soul. Today they rekindled the fire that once ‘lived’ and ‘loved’…
They gave me the strength to vanquish those fears… to break those walls…

And even when my being shall come to an end and life would close,
My ineffable hues shall pervade…

This is one of the sketches i drew during my post laser surjery period in january. and many more... fifteen black and white days restored in me my innate 'colors'...


It had been just two days after my eye surgery. I had just returned from Ambala the previous evening, and two days of nothingness were enough to blow the hell out of me. I had another 15 days to go during which I could not read or write, watch computer or tv screen or even look at my mobile screen; these are the some post laser surgery precautions you see!

It had been two and a half months of running away from the things I did not want to face. All these days I had kept myself absorbed into my English and history books apart from my daily B.tech schedule; but now these 15 days I was all alone, all by myself and a black and white world. i was afraid. afraid to face myself and that unsatiable void that had now become a part of me forever...

My friends had been taking good care that I do not feel lonely and would make frequent calls. I had just got up an hour ago and my throat was still full of the foul taste of my eye drops. My mind had become a battlefield. Whole of my past two and a half years were flashing in my mind and would come to halt at that one devastating moment as a song gets stuck in a gramophone record. “STOP!” I almost shouted in fear, when there was a phone call from a friend. I pressed the button to take the call. The sensation of touch is perhaps the greatest of all five human senses; as when you’re deprived of any of the four, it fills up the gap.

“It’s getting over me. I can’t bear any more. I can’t bear this nothingness. Can’t read, can’t write.. can’t do anything! Hell. It’s killing me…” I broke off.
Even this one consoled me as all my friends would, in there respective calls and visits. But this one came up with something else too. Something different. Something which struck the chord.

“ Why don’t you do this Gazal?” He came up with this suggestion, “ask someone to get some A4 sheets for you and some colors, and whatever comes in your mind, just take it out on paper. If you can’t write, you can obviously draw…”
“ Draw without seeing what I’m drawing?” I protested instantly.

“Yupp. That’s a technique you see to dig out the things we often put at some shady corners of our mind. When you get well, check out your drawings and interpret what they say. They’ll tell you everything about you in these 15 days. You’ve got a good chance Gazal. Go on… talk to yourself. Colors speak...” He exclaimed.

“I fear… I don’t want me to go back to that… And I know this technique of yours would pull it all out. I don’t want to… I’m afraid…” I whispered hesitatingly.

“Now don’t say that to me!” he scolded back, in his same familiar tone. “ That’s not all you have in you! There’s so much more. Your passion, your spark, your dreams, your colors… Try it… And they’ll all come out.."

He had reached his grandma’s residence. We ended the conversation. But something within me went on.
“Should i?” or “Should I not?”

I called up Geetika. She was to come to meet me in the evening.(And she was coming with a pizza, as she had promised!). I asked her to also get a sketch book and a pack of crayons for me…
And this is how it began….
I just scribbled with whatever came to my mind. And then when i could see partly after a week, faired my scribblings a bit and added on to them... I was amazed. My friend was right. Colors speak..


When a soul draws you close...

When a Father feels his shadow...
(the 'father' who stands patiently when you come running to hug your mother on getting a prize, he keeps looking at you with the same satisfaction and 'awe' with which he first felt and touched you...)

This was not just a post 'the 3 idiots' hangover, but much more...

And the best part, this friend who had advised me to do this secretly disappeared for about a week. No contact at all. Cell switched off. I got worried. Later on told me He had gone on a 'one week exile' which he really needed. As for me I feel His exile did me good for probably God wanted my sketches to speak it all..

And they did...

For colors speak...


  1. Wow..
    Never knew this quality of yours...

    You are really good in sketching..

    Just read other posts of your blog too..
    Truly awesome!!!!!

  2. OMG!!!
    You have definitely evolved sweetheart. As a person, as a writer and on the whole as an ARTIST. This work clearly indicates your journey and I simply loved it. The sketch of colours is just outstanding. You have proved that "when there is a will there is a way"... Please continue as i just can't get enough of it....

  3. Un....believable!! You.. my friend are very very good!! I liked the "3 idiots" version very much! really... proud to be your friend.

  4. i always about dis quality of urs....
    but dis tym its amazing becoz they depict ur heart... m really happy dat u hav d strength 2 face d reality...
    may God bless u alwaz n continue wit d gud work...

  5. really nice work... the interpretation is very apt. The best was reaching out for u.. Well i think i can make out who instigated u to draw... BUT really these are the perfect reflection of the words u want to speak..gud keep up the gud work

  6. wow yar.. these r fabulous.
    idea mast tha draw krne ka..u r so talented gajju, keep on drawing like dis :)

  7. yar, it has been arnd 1 and half year since i met you.initially, i noticed ur talent in literary but as i started to know you,i realized that i was wrong.for any one.ur sketches might be surprising,as they were unknown from your this talent...but for me, its not,because i was knowing you are extremely talented in expressing ur thoughts by various ways.fabulous work yar..keep it up yar..hope to get some more marvellous work by you..

  8. believe me your imagination is lovely.. the colors are speaking loud and clear.

  9. So u r a poet cum writer cum artist n an engineer yes, play actor/director too. really talented.

    nice scratches.
    happy frndsp day too.

  10. @vivek hey thank you....
    and happy frienship day to you too.. though late... but then each day is friendship day... is it not?