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Yes its sinking in.. Rank 40, CSE 2015.The UPSC circle- the close and the beginning.

Bagh-e-Bahisht Se Mujhe Hukam-e-Safar Diya Tha Kyun Kaar-e-Jahan Daraz Hai, Ab Mera Intezar Kar                      - Mohammad...

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Alone with a dream, in a city

.
जिसे तूने  रब-सा पाया था,
जो सदा से तेरा हमसाया था।
जिसे खो के भी खो  सकेगा तू,
तुझमे वो तेरा अभिमान हूँ मैं...

I wrote them years ago. Times were different then. Well they always are. And the lines mean more deeply to me, than then.

There is this something which is troubling me since past few days. I wish to resolve it. 

I  bid adieu to New delhi, few days back. And here I am in one of the most beautiful cities of India, Chandigarh. Delhi made me a different person. I would rather say, it transformed me from a kid to a young woman, a thinking and questioning woman. I learned. I failed. I rose. I lost. I found. Yes, Delhi I remember everything you gave me, and I'm thankful to you. I'll come back one day I promise.


I am on my way to something, and I do not know if I'd get it or not. People make choices, sometimes sacrifices. Sometimes life itself is taking away from you, some sacrifices, without even your knowledge. That is how they say, the balance is maintained, Isostasy, you see. 


People come and people go. Moments appear and moments depart. Cities, villages, towns, all so different and yet full of similar people become a part of our lives, and so do their stories. We're all heading somewhere. And we don't know whether we'll get there or not. But let this not stop us from living life as it comes, cherishing it, growing old with it, wiser and evolved. We are humans after all. We can think, question, complicate, and resolve. For its all in our heads. For even animals can feel. But we can channelise our feelings, derive energy from them.


Living alone in a new city, teaches you a lot of things. Yes you're alone and that pinches you often. But, you know you have a purpose. And you have somewhere started to trust your efforts. Believe me, don't trust anyone else, but them.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Sleepy joe


Ah this song exactly suits me these days-
"Rise and shine, sleepy Joe
Now's the time, don't you know
To get into a new kind of dream
You've been living alone
With no Bell telephone

And you don't have a shirt that is clean
You can rest your head
On the corner of your bed
You can watch the world go by
But you never gonna see
What the other people see
If youґre always gonna be a sleepy joe.

Rise and shine, sleepy Joe
There are places to go
There are windows to clean on the way
You've got nothing to lose,
But the shine on your shoes
Do the best things you can every day.
You can get upset, at the way the people get
You can turn your back on the crowd
But you never gonna see
What is absolutely real
If you're always gonna be a sleepy Joe."
-HERMAN'S HERMITS

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Your absence too...


There are these some times every season,
when I miss you terribly...
And there are these other times, 
when I'm just angry.

Your absence too,
like your presence,
has its own ways of making itself felt.
Ways, we could have never thought of.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Snowy


Yes you were a snowflake. 
Ephemeral.
Cold.
And calm.
Yes you were a snowflake.
For I could feel you, with my palm.
And then,
Like a snowflake,
Quiet,
 you melt away.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

That small building on the mountains..


Dear Man,
Here lie the remnants of that small building you once built.
I just came back to this place today, to collect some of them.

Here it stood.
Small, but strong and beautiful.
You had built it with passion and love.
decorated its walls, painted its windows.
The sunlight from those hills would touch it each dawn
and it sparkled, smiled, gleamed.
The mountains smiled back.

If only you could take off your glasses and see,
those cracks could have been mended.
For you were the one who had once said-
that "time heals all"
I thought you needed time
to feel those cracks and mend them.
That architect in you I had known.

Yes you came back again.
I thought you were to show me, 
that our building still stood firm.
for those cracks had been healing,
dissolving in time.

But, I found you had buldozed the building.
and built there a multiplex.
May be it will give you more comfort.

These mountains out here,
they still stand testimony
of....
 of both the creation
and death.

What do I do with these remnants now?
These remnants of that small building
That small building on the mountains
you once built.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Hope

HOPE.
Be my companion tonight.
No. Not because tonight,
I need to talk, to speak, to cry.
But because from tonight
I somehow need you to survive.
Yes I.

HOPE.
Don't leave me alone tonight
don't you go away.
HOPE.
JUST STAY...
JUST STAY.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Creation and God.

...sometimes search itself
becomes some destination.
creation creates 
God smiles.
...and then one day humanity hope and belief
are made into meaningless lifeless objects
creation destroys
God smiles.

creation.
may you know one day.
what you chose for your comfort
will stay with you in this life.
may it stay.
what you left, was real.
so it will die with someone silently, calm
to be born in a next life
a next world.
but from you forever away.
but from you forever away.

CREATION CHOOSES HEAVEN OR HELL.
GOD SMILES

(p.s: as i write this, a song stirs me up
a song really close)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T94PHkuydcw
"Qadam badha le;Hadon ko mita le,
Aaja khaalipan mein, Pi ka ghar tera.
Tere bin khaali aaja khaalipan mein"

(may you fill this void, the abode of your Beloved.
Its empty without you, come fill this void.)
"Tu hai mujh mein samaaya;Kahaan leke mujhe aaya.
Main hoon tujh mein samaaya
Tere peeche chala aaya,
Tere hi main ik saaya."
(You live within me, and now,
where have You brought me?
I live in You,
I have only followed You,
I am but Your shadow.)



Creation seeks answers.
God smiles.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

No court to appeal

It is not that it died.
I know it had to.
For everything everyone has to one day.
Death is the truth which sustains life itself.

But that, it died so soon.
But that You killed it.
But that, I was away unaware when You did.
But that I had faith in it, faith that it would live.
Live more.

But that You killed it.
And I know no court to appeal.