But I am.

टूटा हुआ हूँ इसी शाख पर से 
मै सूना हूँ, हाँ पर मै बसेरा भी हूँ 

जगा हूँ अभी तेरी नींदों के भ्रम से 
मै तनहा हूँ, हाँ पर मै सवेरा भी हूँ 

मै उलझा हुआ हूँ 
मै धुंदला रहा हूँ 
नहीं जानता हूँ 
कहाँ जा रहा हूँ 
नहीं हूँ किसी का, हाँ पर  तेरा भी हूँ 

Yes, I fall from the same branch this autumn again. 
I am empty, 
but I am also the nest of timeless wordless dreams,
built long, with patience and faith.

Yes, I wake up from your same dream this morning again. 
from the delusion that you lie beside,
to make my everything all right.
I am lonely, 
but I am also the hope of those spotless malice-less dawns,
we dreamt, to wake up to each day.

And like the nest and the dawn, I have begun to fade,
I'm dissipating, decaying, beginning to disappear.
I do not know, where 
I am going from here.

I belong to no place, no one, 
but I am also yours.

The ceaseless effort

Day after day, night after night
the play goes on.
The dusk and the dawn
they visit this broken window of my room.
and also this longing heart inside
lying there on the corner of that bed,
Alone.

The sunlight pure, limpid, yellow
it dances, it burns
I want to talk to it
touch it
feel it every where in my soul.
But when i reach out, it slips away
in the evening darkness.

There seems no end to this longing.
I am lost
in this incessant play.
I am lost
in this night and the day.
I am lost 
in this ceaseless effort
I make every day.

Find me someone.

So, suddenly all that ever made sense

turns out sans any sense.

All that I thought was pure 

becomes wrong.

It has never been so alone.

Never been so scary, 

for you had been all along.

I would wonder if Love was bigger or Dream.

But when none remained, I realised that I was lost.

FIND ME SOMEONE.

Sans.

There is every thing around.

Colours, music, sound.

But the music within,why ceases to play?

Colours, they come and scatter away.

These eyes around, how do I trust?

They want, like them, become I must.

The pages of life, now crave for ink.

It takes me somewhere- this march, this spring.

The light within is flickering.

Come, Don't let it die.

I've kept it lit, with faith, with love.

All along this while.

I know, there is, something bigger than us.

And it lies so small within.

I can't ever touch you, the wide sky, with these hands

But here in my eyes... See I carry you in.

Dear sky....

Dear sky,

It has been years, 
I have longed,

craved,
 to hold you tight in my tiny arms.

To touch you, 
to care, to play...
Dear SKY,

Then,
Why are you so clouded?

So wide?

Why are you 
so far away....

Alone with a dream, in a city

.

जिसे तूने  रब-सा पाया था,
जो सदा से तेरा हमसाया था।

जिसे खो के भी खो न सकेगा तू,
तुझमे वो तेरा अभिमान हूँ मैं...

I wrote them years ago. Times were different then. Well they always are. And the lines mean more deeply to me, than then.

There is this something which is troubling me since past few days. I wish to resolve it. 

I  bid adieu to New delhi, few days back. And here I am in one of the most beautiful cities of India, Chandigarh. Delhi made me a different person. I would rather say, it transformed me from a kid to a young woman, a thinking and questioning woman. I learned. I failed. I rose. I lost. I found. Yes, Delhi I remember everything you gave me, and I'm thankful to you. I'll come back one day I promise.

I am on my way to something, and I do not know if I'd get it or not. People make choices, sometimes sacrifices. Sometimes life itself is taking away from you, some sacrifices, without even your knowledge. That is how they say, the balance is maintained, Isostasy, you see. 

People come and people go. Moments appear and moments depart. Cities, villages, towns, all so different and yet full of similar people become a part of our lives, and so do their stories. We're all heading somewhere. And we don't know whether we'll get there or not. But let this not stop us from living life as it comes, cherishing it, growing old with it, wiser and evolved. We are humans after all. We can think, question, complicate, and resolve. For its all in our heads. For even animals can feel. But we can channelise our feelings, derive energy from them.

Living alone in a new city, teaches you a lot of things. Yes you're alone and that pinches you often. But, you know you have a purpose. And you have somewhere started to trust your efforts. Believe me, don't trust anyone else, but them.

Sleepy joe

Ah this song exactly suits me these days-

"Rise and shine, sleepy Joe
Now's the time, don't you know
To get into a new kind of dream
You've been living alone
With no Bell telephone

And you don't have a shirt that is clean

You can rest your head

On the corner of your bed

You can watch the world go by

But you never gonna see

What the other people see

If youґre always gonna be a sleepy joe.

Rise and shine, sleepy Joe

There are places to go

There are windows to clean on the way

You've got nothing to lose,

But the shine on your shoes

Do the best things you can every day.

You can get upset, at the way the people get

You can turn your back on the crowd

But you never gonna see

What is absolutely real

If you're always gonna be a sleepy Joe."

-HERMAN'S HERMITS

Your absence too...

There are these some times every season,

when I miss you terribly...

And there are these other times, 

when I'm just angry.

Your absence too,

like your presence,

has its own ways of making itself felt.

Ways, we could have never thought of.

Snowy

Yes you were a snowflake. 

Ephemeral.
Cold.
And calm.

Yes you were a snowflake.

For I could feel you, with my palm.

And then,

Like a snowflake,
Quiet,
 you melt away.